As mad as I get at Tom for not taking his meds I feel so bad for him when he does take them regularly. He has been taking morning,noon and night pills steady for about 5 days now and they are making him so sick. The B/P are the worse. He had a stress test done on Friday afternoon he will see the Dr tomorrow to talk about the results. His B/P is running high. Now they want him to add an aspirin a day to the meds. he can't eat because the heartburn drives him in sane. His stomache is constantly upset.
I have the Tom who takes his meds and is too sick to get out of bed. Or the Tom who doesn't take his meds and is too sad to get out of bed. It's been about a year since the hospital stay and we still can not get these pills straight. The regular medical Dr says to take this this and that. The shrink says lets try this this and that. It's so frustrating.
We had a nice night away on Friday. We had so well needed alone time but he got sick. Then all day Saturday his stomache was bothering him. Today he took the kids shopping and TJ said he was complaining of pains and a headache. Now it is after midnight and he is laying tossing and turning. When he toss's and turns like this I can't get to sleep. Then I over sleep in the AM and Ryan ends up being late for school. Ryan is probally on time about once a week. It won't be tomorrow!!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Trying to get out my Story
I really don't like who I am turning into. I hate myself sometimes. I have been so short tempered and nasty. I want to leave Tom. Thats not exactly a secret he knows that I can't be here with him anymore. Financially I am trapped though. We live with Toms dad. He is such an annoying twit. He is a slob and I could go on and on about the things that he does and says.
Toms Dr wants us to try couples therapy....AGAIN. I am so tired of this crap. The first time we tried the counsler did all the talking. Then asked if we had any questions. The second the state made someone call me. I told her how things were going and how I didn't know how to deal with it. She told me how I have to accept the new Tom and to understand what he went threw. The 3rd time was basically the same thing. Well Tom is acting this way because we went threw allot. Tom says these things because he has to learn how to control his anger. Call me Stingy- but I want to talk about ME. I want to know that it's normal to almost hate my husband. i want to know that it's normal for me to feel the way I do.
I don't want to be that witch wife who leaves her husband when he is sick. he is pushing me away. My kids and i do NOT have insurrance right now. Tom is at a 90% rating. If we had 100% me and the kids would have coverage. I get so MAD at him because he has all these resources open to him and he doesn't care. He can go to the Dr for anything- and he gets his meds for free. But he will go for days and days without taking them. I have NO resources available for me to get the help i not only want but NEED. My son was sick this week and I had to take him to the ER because I didn't have money for the Dr and he needed a note for school. I hate that my kids and I are not covered.
I have asked 2 things from tom- 1)Take your meds and 2) stick up for me to your family. He hasn't done either. Back in April (10) Tom tried to take his own life. he spent 6 weeks in a VA hospital getting treatment. His family HATED that I called attention to this and got him help. His sister refuses to talk to me about this. She deleted me and my kids from her FB account but writes to my husband on a regular basis. What I want is for him to man up to her and stick up for me. She deleted his family!! Why can't he say Look I needed that hospital stay and my wife got it for me. Accept that. But he won't stick up for me. I am the ONLY person who suported him enlisting. Everyone else was against it. I wrote to him everyday at boot camp. My kids and I are the only ones who drove 10 hours to see him graduate. Then 3 years later when he deployed everyone was saying OH we suport you let us know if you need anything. His family telling me I can call them anytime. BS!!! They did NOTHING while he was away.His dad was up my ass every day coming over to bring me coffee and staying for hours and hours but thats because he had a crush on my neighbor. Noone took the kids out to give me a break or asked ifwe needed anything. Noone wrote to him or mailed him a care package. I did all that. A letter a day and 2 care packages a month. Then when he came home everyone acted like they did all this stuff for him. they did NOTHING. Yet me, who did everything I could for him gets treated like crap.
This is what I hope to work out with this Blog. I know that I am very bitter towards me in-laws. I am bitter towards me husband because he won't stand up for me to them.
Toms Dr wants us to try couples therapy....AGAIN. I am so tired of this crap. The first time we tried the counsler did all the talking. Then asked if we had any questions. The second the state made someone call me. I told her how things were going and how I didn't know how to deal with it. She told me how I have to accept the new Tom and to understand what he went threw. The 3rd time was basically the same thing. Well Tom is acting this way because we went threw allot. Tom says these things because he has to learn how to control his anger. Call me Stingy- but I want to talk about ME. I want to know that it's normal to almost hate my husband. i want to know that it's normal for me to feel the way I do.
I don't want to be that witch wife who leaves her husband when he is sick. he is pushing me away. My kids and i do NOT have insurrance right now. Tom is at a 90% rating. If we had 100% me and the kids would have coverage. I get so MAD at him because he has all these resources open to him and he doesn't care. He can go to the Dr for anything- and he gets his meds for free. But he will go for days and days without taking them. I have NO resources available for me to get the help i not only want but NEED. My son was sick this week and I had to take him to the ER because I didn't have money for the Dr and he needed a note for school. I hate that my kids and I are not covered.
I have asked 2 things from tom- 1)Take your meds and 2) stick up for me to your family. He hasn't done either. Back in April (10) Tom tried to take his own life. he spent 6 weeks in a VA hospital getting treatment. His family HATED that I called attention to this and got him help. His sister refuses to talk to me about this. She deleted me and my kids from her FB account but writes to my husband on a regular basis. What I want is for him to man up to her and stick up for me. She deleted his family!! Why can't he say Look I needed that hospital stay and my wife got it for me. Accept that. But he won't stick up for me. I am the ONLY person who suported him enlisting. Everyone else was against it. I wrote to him everyday at boot camp. My kids and I are the only ones who drove 10 hours to see him graduate. Then 3 years later when he deployed everyone was saying OH we suport you let us know if you need anything. His family telling me I can call them anytime. BS!!! They did NOTHING while he was away.His dad was up my ass every day coming over to bring me coffee and staying for hours and hours but thats because he had a crush on my neighbor. Noone took the kids out to give me a break or asked ifwe needed anything. Noone wrote to him or mailed him a care package. I did all that. A letter a day and 2 care packages a month. Then when he came home everyone acted like they did all this stuff for him. they did NOTHING. Yet me, who did everything I could for him gets treated like crap.
This is what I hope to work out with this Blog. I know that I am very bitter towards me in-laws. I am bitter towards me husband because he won't stand up for me to them.
I'll Give it a try
I've never really kept a blog before. I think I will give it a try, see what happens. I am lousy at writing.
I feel like I have been threw hell and back with my husband. Between his injury and the kids always fighting, living with my husband's father and the lack of privacey,I am loosing my mind. Toms anger and mood swings have rubbed off on me.
7 PM was not a good time for me to start this. I want to get so much off of my mind. Steven and Ryan are fighting bad and Tom is hiding. I am going to see if later tonight will be a good time to start telling my story.
Til Next Time....
I feel like I have been threw hell and back with my husband. Between his injury and the kids always fighting, living with my husband's father and the lack of privacey,I am loosing my mind. Toms anger and mood swings have rubbed off on me.
7 PM was not a good time for me to start this. I want to get so much off of my mind. Steven and Ryan are fighting bad and Tom is hiding. I am going to see if later tonight will be a good time to start telling my story.
Til Next Time....
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